Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Sometimes people are unable to ask for forgiveness. Some of these times we can reach a place where we don’t need to be asked in order to forgive someone. Compassion has nothing to do with who is right and wrong. It is about reaching a place where love is the boundary. I think I’ve drawn this boundary with my parents. My mom never asked to be forgiven. She did not tell me she behaved inappropriately. She just kept saying she loved me. I woke up one day last week and realized she was doing her best. Forget the mother I deserve, forget the mother I wish she was, forget the apology I wanted – just reach for love.
I am about to have a thousand miles between us. I want these last few weeks to be filled with love, not angst and pain. My parents seem to be honoring the boundary I’ve drawn and are behaving appropriately with me and my daughter. This is good. This is a blessing. We all do the best we can.
Somehow, despite being raised by people with little emotional maturity or skill, I have managed to acquire a skill for dealing with conflict, emotions, and difficult situations. Perhaps I developed it out of necessity. I do not know. I know that I have this ability and they do not seem to, at least not right now.
In many ways I think we will be closer with the distance between us. I can’t quite explain it, but I think they may see me better a thousand miles away.