“You have made me cross the good road and road of difficulties, and where they cross, the place is holy.” – Black Elk
We circled in the backyard, each one of us on the edge of a life changing moment in our lives. We laid the fire with intention, gratitude, and faith. Praying over the sticks that would begin the fire, we spoke invocations and prayers as we set our intentions and grounded in our work. I looked across the circle at the woman who broke my heart last fall and felt the last thread of bitterness I had been holding start to loosen.
It was no coincidence I was standing here with these women, for this particular ceremony, in this particular moment in my life. As I looked at her across the flames I thought of all the roles she has filled for me; lover, protector, guide, teacher, and friend. On my left sat her girlfriend, my unlikely sister, who has extended to me trust, love, and sisterhood. The woman on my right is a stranger to me, but has opened her heart in front of me in this sacred ceremony. I rolled in to town just hours ago, a stopping point on my way to my new life in Florida.
We took our time with this fire. We called on our ancestors and teachers here and beyond. We called our best, highest, most sacred selves to the present. We needed to be fully on board for this release. Standing in this circle we were together, but separate as well, engaged in our own deep working as we wove together this ceremony. We were here to release what has been standing in our way. We were here to release that which doesn’t serve us anymore or causes us harm. We were there to clear the way for the new lives we were all walking into.
One by one we threw things on the fire and called out what we needed to burn away and release. At times, we called out what we needed brought in as well. We piled logs on the fire and sacred herbs were burned. We sang, and cried, and screamed at times into those flames.
I untangled so much at the fire. Things I have been carrying for months, even years- my need to be perfect, my need to know the future, my attachment to outcome, and my desires to have the relationships in my past be differently than they were. When I began that piece of releasing internally, silent, the woman I had just met shared about why she could have never done this before tonight. She said she had needed the fire release for so long but wasn’t ready. She would have come in anger. I looked across the flames to my ex and let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. It felt as though I had been holding that breath since our break up. Yes, release the anger, the bitterness, the resentment, the fear that I won’t be loved like that again. As I let those things go I found my heart getting bigger, capable of holding more love.
Susan Piver says crying is simply love running freely with no attachment. The longer I sat in the circle the more love ran down my face. I felt so much love in that circle both pouring out of my heart and being received as well.
The next morning I had a slow and easy morning with my ex and her girlfriend. We had breakfast, sang songs, played music and just let our new way of being together as chosen family and friends unfold. It was hard to leave. Finally we rolled away at 2pm loaded down with snacks for the road my unlikely sister put together for us, a mug of coffee, and some cash to make sure we arrived safely. We shared a three person hug on the porch and I drove away feeling the space we had cleared and the power of connection and love flowing all around and within me. I am living a Life Uncommon and I thank Spirit every day that I have found the holy place where the good road and the road of difficulty meet.